3 things I’ve learned from my teenage son

The other day my son made me cry. Lately it seems like he does that a lot, welcome to adolescence I guess. In moments like this I have to think back to my own childhood “Was I really that bad? Did I act like this? Was I making my mother cry sometimes?

The answer to those questions is definitely YES.

This is the part of motherhood that no one warns you about. I mean even in the world of mommy lifestyle bloggers. Everyone is still running around behind adorable toddlers, discussing diaper brands, and what’s the best strollers for multiples. It’s all fun and games until your sweet precious baby turns into a sour patch kid. A sour patch kid who rages when he loses at Fort Nite throws his controller and breaks not just his computer, but also the living room tv. Or one who threatens to run away when you take away his games because he hasn’t been doing his chores. You know this boy actually packed his book bag and walked out of the house. Looking back now I laugh but in the moment I was in tears, I couldn’t figure out what I did so wrong that would make my baby want to leave.

It took me a while but I finally got it, all of this has absolutely nothing to do with me. It took me a long time to grasp this concept. I take pride in being a mother who takes great care of her children. I try to attend to their needs while still allowing them space to be themselves. Discipline in our house is limited to conversations and taking away of their favorite things.  I mean a slap upside the head once or twice a month is the furthest we go. 

Which is totally different from what I got growing up. I mean by the time I was 13, I was picking up my siblings from school. Responsible for cooking, cleaning, helping my siblings with homework and making sure I was taking care of myself. My son isn’t even doing a fraction of that yet, he still seems to feel as if we’re being too tough on him. After several talks with my therapist , husband, friends, mom, prayers, and reading tons of articles on child development I finally understand that the adolescent years are the most difficult. This was the reason I chose not to ever teach middle school again.

 How could I forget, these kids are like babies in bigger bodies. Emotions are all over the place, bodies changing, bullying is at its height (read more about how we dealt with bullying when Adonis started middle school) Everything is changing and nothing is staying the same. I think it’s probably one of the most tumultuous times in a child’s life. So if you’re like me and your child is entering into this stage. I’m here to let you know first hand you’re doing a good job mama. Your child is just going through growing pains.

Here’s 3 things I had to learn that’s helping me navigate this new motherhood stage!

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He is growing older and will change

If your child is entering or in this stage, this is a time in their lives when they’re struggling with even recognizing themselves. There’s a constant battle between what you taught them and what they’re friends think is cool. A lot of times you’ll find that your kid is leaning more towards what their friends think is cool as a way to live their lives. In the beginning I thought I could control who my son hung out with. The kids I knew whose parents had more relaxed rules, I was trying to prevent him from hanging out with. But for how long can you keep that up. We’re not with them every second of the day, and I’m not a helicopter mom.

 I want to give my son his space and also show him that I can trust him. So instead of trying to keep him from hanging out with people. I focused more on educating him about what kind of life bad habits and lifestyles can lead too. He knows our rules, our expectations, and he’s now learning more about how certain choices lead to certain lifestyles. I’m hoping that this will encourage him to make better choices.

Surrounding him with positive influences

I already know the importance of having a support system for me. But I truly believe in the old adage “It takes a village to raise a child” and I have no problem calling on my village when needed. Having positive male role models for my son I believe is a strength and tool that every mom should have in her arsenal. Not only is his father there for him to look at, but there’s my brother, the brothers in our congregation, his uncles, and of course the women lol. 

My mom, his aunts and cousins that’s all rooting for him. They’re all there to assist us on this journey and provide him support. Let’s be real kids hate listening to their parents. A lot of the time they rather hear the same information from someone else. I have no idea what that’s about, but I know I was the same way too when I was his age. I didn’t want to hear my mother’s mouth even though I knew she was right

Listening to my son

No matter how upset you may be with their choices, always be willing to listen to what they have to say. You listening to them goes a long way. I think that’s helped my son make strides, whenever I used to warn him about certain people not being real friends, or just using him he’d never believe me. It wasn’t until he saw things for himself did he believe me. Then he would want to come tell me about how his so called friend broke his trust, and I used to be like, yea I told you so. But now I just listen to him, ensuring to validate his feelings then asking him what he can learn from this situation and how he’ll proceed going forward. 

Just by listening to him I feel it has made us even closer and he knows that I value his opinion which is important to me. I often didn’t feel validated when I was growing up, which led me to seek validation from people who didn’t always have my best interests at heart. So ensuring that I’m validating his feelings has helped tremendously with our relationship. I want to raise my boys to be in touch with their emotions and able to communicate effectively so I know that starts with me. Honestly I fail sometimes but I always try and that’s the important part. Just try to be better each time mama!

Motherhood is a continuous process, journey and even when it gets difficult it’s so rewarding. I keep reminding myself that he wont be this age forever he’ll eventually get it. I mean I hope so lol.

Are you raising a teenager, how’s it been for you? Share in the comments below!