What motherhood used to look like…
Traditional motherhood for as long as I can remember always looked like women staying in the home tending to the house, caring for the children, and addressing any and all needs of their husbands. She was expected to not only keep the house up, but also keep up with the appearances of her husband, children and most importantly herself. For a mom to be outside of the home was unheard of, forget being the breadwinner of the family.
A woman being ambitious, a go-getter was often times frowned upon. Historically women have always been treated as second class citizens and once she pushes out a baby she’s seen as more fragile, delicate, and incapable of doing anything more than being a mother. Coming from a line of women who were stay at home moms who didn’t work outside the home, I initially thought my mom and my grandmother before her had it made.
Being able to stay at home, take care of the kids, cook dinner, and wait for her man to walk through the door where she would wait eagerly to ask her husband about his long day at work. As she held his dinner and drink her hand. My grandmother always looked fabulous, dress to the tee, hair and makeup always flawless. I attributed her style, grace, and beauty to her being able to spend most of her adult life relaxing in the confines of her home, while caring for her children.
The same was true for my mom or so I thought, until I became privy to all the abuse my dad was inflicting on my mom. And then all of a sudden we were homeless, without any place to go and running from a man who was supposed to be our protector and provider. My mom was now single, broke, and all alone with 5 children to raise. Watching my mom day in and day out, adjust to her role as a single mother I was reminded of the strength and capabilities of a woman.
How even though she was dealing with the effects of mental, physical, and emotional abuse, she found a way to provide for 5 children the best way she knew how. She ensured we were fed, clothed, and had a place to lay our heads every single night.
Redefining Motherhood
It was from these moments that I knew I’d never allow the fate of my family to be just the responsibility of my husband. I was going to have a say and a stake not just financially but in all aspects of our lives. I wasn’t ever going to just sit at home and wait for my husband to come home with the money and take care of everything. I was going to have my own money. I was going to have my own things.From the time I was able to, I was working. I felt responsible not only to my mom but to myself, to make sure that I was good. Being a working woman gave me a newfound sense of confidence and freedom.
I knew that if there was anything I wanted, I could have it if I worked for it. I had my oldest son right after graduating high school and I was now a full-time working teen mom, but I embraced it because it felt so good being able to provide for my baby without relying on anyone. Most of my mom journey has involved going to school, working full-time and trying to be everything for everyone else. And after a while that routine became really old.
I was burnt out from trying to do it all. Had too much pride to ask for assistance, didn’t want to seem incapable of doing what I needed to do. You know how it is, when everyone counts you out because you were a teen mom so you spend your life trying to prove to them that you got it. I didn’t have it. After having my second child at 22, my world was rocked when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. It was like all of a sudden I couldn’t even do the menial tasks like getting up in the morning and getting the boys together. I developed very poor eating habits, I didn’t take care of myself, my self-care was pretty much non-existent. I didn’t know where to turn and the classes to help me with the postpartum wasn’t helping. I knew I had to try something new.
I am a Modern Day Mommy
This was the beginning of my self-care journey, it began with me falling in love with myself all over again, thanks to the help of beauty. From there it transformed into so much more, I lost 75 pounds, got a job at MAC cosmetics (my dream job at the time), got another degree and became a teacher. Discovering who I was again has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done (harder than 12 hours of labor I did with each of the boys lol). It’s always so easy to look at others and point out their flaws but when it’s time to turn the microscope around things get really uncomfortable.
But from the uncomfortable place I’ve grown in so many ways. As a mother I understand the importance of ensuring that your family especially your children are good, but what happens so many times is that we get wrapped up in our role of mom that we forget who we were before we became moms.
We forget about our hopes, our dreams, and all the things we said we wanted to do and be. I’ve learned firsthand the price of not taking care of myself, and it cost me so much my self-esteem, self-worth, and almost my sanity. From my pain, I found my passion and Makeup Mommy was born, I took my passion and love for makeup and I began sharing it with other moms. I realized that more than anything as working moms trying to live our best lives, we need community.
A place where we can share, support, and empower each other unapologetically as we take on the world with our kids in tow. I want to remind moms that we too matter and that our self-care should be a priority. It’s not selfish mama to take care of you, follow your passion, and to be all that you dreamed you could be. You don’t have to choose between being a mom and a person. You can do both and do both very well.
So I’m officially welcoming you to Modern Day Mommy community where I’ll be sharing stories on raising tweens, mom beauty, and simple ways to make yourself a priority every single day. I hope you’ll find some courage and strength from my words, and my stories so that you can go out there and create the life that you desire.